The priapic David certainly gets around, not only in the biblical texts (as we have already seen with David and Jonathan) but also in art. So let’s begin with David and Abigail, the wife of the freshly dead Laban (1 Samuel 25:2-44).

In much of the traditional art, David comes through as complete tool:

If not a wanker:

And Abigail appears at times a somewhat ‘cuddly’ blond:

But once we leave these turgid paintings behind, things start to get interesting:

The Brick Testament, of course, gives us a few more positions:

The outcome of which is …

The catch is that in the following verse (1 Samuel 25:43) we read: ‘And David had also taken Ahinoam of Jezreel as a wife’.

But I can’t let this one go by without referring to the Abigail Lingerie series:

Or, to be fair, the David Lingerie series:

Or indeed that great Australian actor from 1970s TV series such as ‘Number 96’. Abigail became a nation-wide sex-symbol, mainly for showing the briefest flashes of nudity – the first on television in the land of Oz: