Practicing to be a cranky old man

One of curious pleasures of getting older is that I become more and more optimistic, about life, the world, everything. However, this is not as it should be. Men my age tend to become cranky, realising that they are actually mortal. So what should I do? I am pondering the need to practice becoming a cranky old man. They say you need practice something new only for a month before it becomes a habit.


5 thoughts on “Practicing to be a cranky old man

  1. Try complaining to disinterested retail staff about the incorrect use of apostrophes in their various shop signs. Grumpily explain to them the difference in meaning between the plural of “bananas” (or whatever) versus the genitive. Use the term genitive too many times, like someone who has just heard the term. Take photos of shop signage on your phone, while pointing at them and affecting a mocking laugh. Time how long it takes, in each case, for them to move from polite, but annoyed, silence to outright verbal aggression.

    One month and you’ll widely known as ‘that fucking old prick who comes in here and goes on about fucking spelling’, I guarantee it.

  2. I have found it to be a natural process. As I got older, things irritated me more, and I got progressively grumpier. It’s not something you have to learn, believe me. Welcome to the club!

  3. If you need mentoring in this process, let me know. I am very well qualified and advanced in crankiness far beyond my years. Hundreds of references are available upon request.

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